International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women (25 Nov)

So there I was once again advocating to my male colleagues about the status of women, or ‘the non existence of’ in certain places in the world, when I was teasingly accused of being gender biased. Gender biased? Because I call it for it is? Because it makes me angry to the core to witness on a daily basis women with babies strapped to their backs slaving on farms in the scorching heat? Because I am confronted by the images of women returning home from these farms in the dark, stopping by at lakes to fetch water, carrying buckets on their heads, firewood under their arms, children on their backs and toddlers in tow? And after a long hard day in the sun breaking their backs, these women return to their homes to prepare food for their husbands, only to be abused if they do not earn enough to buy food for the day? All the while their husbands have been sitting under trees sipping tea and playing cards, wondering if their wife/wives have made enough money for them to acquire a new wife? Do expressions of outrage at such situations make me gender biased? I bloody hope so! Because there is just something wrong with the world we live in when women continuously carry the burden as providers and child carers. I thought we had outlawed slavery. I am wrong.

Too strong? Too harsh? Too much? Too bloody right. There is no easy way to speak out against the violations of women’s dignity and rights in a way that is palatable for public consumption.

The International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women on 25 November should not even exist, but it does. It exists as a reminder of the plight of half the world’s population. Everyday women and girls are discriminated against, harassed, violated, and assaulted because of their gender. It is estimated that one in four women will have experienced an incident of physical or sexual violation in her lifetime. That’s a bloody huge number. If you’re in the office, in class, in the shopping mall or sitting on the train, check out the numbers of women around you and chances are, there are survivors of violence amongst you regardless of race, ethnicity, age, physical ability, or religion.

So, as far as being gender biased, I certainly hope that we all, both men and women, get a little angry at the unacceptable levels of violence against women and girls in their homes and communities. What do you know about the status of women in your town, country and abroad? What will you do today to show your support to ending violence against women and girls?

Personal wealth

What have you or I amassed in our lifetime
Knowledge, wisdom, internal peace
A life enriched by possibilities
Sweet yet unbearable dreams.

Savour the delicious delights screening in your mind
Accummulate all the truths that you can
Bundle all your desires and watch them burn
Sweet o sweet yet unbearable dreams.

What legacy have you to your name
Will I remember you dear
Fondly and with affection
My sweet yet unbearable dreams.

The U.S of All

You know, I just came back from a day's journey in the field, visiting villages where people have returned after the conflict, in which their homes were burned or destroyed. I was just emotionally drained at the sight of people living without basic necessities that you and I take for granted - like running water, food, education, clean and untorn clothes, and a roof that doesn't leak when it rains. So disillusioned was I that I just sat in front of the tv to tune out. Then long and behold, there's Obama making his address to the UN General Assembly. I know his approval ratings in the US has slumped, but the guy really does have charisma and the ability to engage and carry you along with his message whatever that message may be.

Being a long time supporter of Palestine, I was moved by his bold and daring stance, making it clear that the people of Palestine deserve their own independent state and to live free from occupation. And then suddenly, it dawned on me that he wasn't just speaking as the president of the U.S.of A but he was speaking as the president of U.S. of All. He was speaking on behalf of all of us. Everything he said resonated with me as a citizen of this planet. The message was clear. It was about shared responsibility, and not shifting the blame for why things didn't work. Getting your hands dirty and doing the hard yard so to speak.

Peace, nuclear disarmourment, security, human rights, economic growth, climate change, combating HIV. He had it all. His address reaffirmed his position as the (world) people's leader, but also, reaffirmed the importance and relevance of the United Nations as an international watchdog: flawed, but much needed.

I know it may just be rhetoric, but sometimes such rhetoric is needed to inspire and galvanise people out of their complacency and despondency.

And suddenly I'm not so tired anymore. I will let the cynicism subside and allow my thoughts to mobilise into belief.

One must have faith that things can change.

Eid and the start of conversations

This morning there was much laughter around the office and the voices of children could be heard outside on the street. I came out front to see our security officers with a tray of sweet treats on offer to children and passersby, reminiscent of Halloween where kids go trick-or-treat (although it's probably very blasphemous to use such an analogy).

And so it is the end of Ramadan. Eid has come to celebrate this end, rewarding Muslims for their devotion and patience. It is also a time for goodwill - to other Muslims, neighbours and the poor and less fortunate. Eid is also a time for starting afresh, forgiving and letting the bad vibes of the past be forgotten.

Thus I found myself scoring an invitation to a colleague's house for breakfast after the Eid prayer. Not only was I treated to a feast of food and sweets, but was treated to lively and robust conversation and cultural exchange.

Earlier this week, a male friend had cheekily reprimanded me for my neglect of the male gender, scolding me for my inequitable distribution of mental energy. And so, with this in mind, I engaged in conversation with six male colleagues, in the spirit of openess and genuine desire to listen, learn and appreciate. No matter what the conversation, I was determined to listen as well as to hear.

We discussed a range of topics - red wine (for 'cooking' purposes), politics, the independence of Darfur, tribal practices, human rights, drugs and alcohol and their harm on youth, corruption, and the laclk of opportunities for the bright and talented. However, for some inexplicable reason the conversation kept circling back to gender politics - from the Beijing conference and what it sparked for women everywhere, even in remote places in Africa, to the status of women in Darfur today.

We discussed the still practiced tradition of bigamy and its impact on society, and its 'benefits' to women; the attributes men look for when courting a marriage partner; and the impact of poverty on the 'choices' women make. As a group we spoke passionately about the hardships women face, sharing our sense of outrage that women are trafficked and exploited the world over. We even spoke about how men are failing in their duties as husbands when they mistreat their partners with domestic violence, forced sex and cruel words.

But, as expected, we also had many points of contention, with my colleagues laughing (and I along with them) and vehemently disagreeing with my suggestions that women's roles and responsibilities should be negotiated in every situation, that it should not be prescribed by society, and that men too can share the burden of housework. They joked that women think and talk too much and that sometimes men purposely don't want a woman who is too educated. "I guess I am single because I am too educated" to which we all laughed.

And as we noted over the course of our four hour conversation: change takes time, ideas may be laughed at initially, but it takes men as citizens, as government, as police, as elders and as responsible human beings, to take responsibility to speak out against injustice, and to role model good behaviour.

It is Eid, and I am a guest. And like the procession of children that came to receive their treats, I graciously accepted my gift. It is wonderful to be celebrating Eid by having such a conversation. And that's gotta count for something.

Beauty in the everyday

I just received an email from a friend (you know who you are!) apologising profusely for a long absence in emails because she just didn't know what to write to me about as the everyday just seems a bore when compared to me - 'humanitarian girl in Darfur'. Yes, let me sum up my riveting day so far: as it's a week-end, I woke up at 9am, read a little, listened to some music, danced in my room (exercised), then went and had a shower, made myself a coffee, went to office to read the news....yawns....oh so exciting.

However, the email had me thinking all day how there is so much beauty in the everyday that we miss because we are too busy looking out for the big moments, chasing the adventure, the next big 'milestone', the next life changing experience, the profound epiphanies. Some people look for those moments. Whereas I look for all the little things. I find that when I am away from home, I pine for the domesticity and everyday rituals - like walking to mum's to eat her home cooked caramelised pork stew or beef noodles, or picking up my niece and nephew for afternoon tea at a cafe where my niece always orders hot chocolate (and always with whipped cream on the side), and my nephew orders two sausage rolls with ketchup because they know they can have whatever they want with me - they delight in these small pleasures. This is our little routine. It is not an adventure but we sit and chat about our day, sometimes nothing special, and sometimes full of curiosities.

I was explaining the concept of human rights one day and making my 10 year old nephew read to my 6 year old niece the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, and at the end, she said 'So, um, we all have human rights? Is that right?'. Yes I replied, and what do you think it means? 'It means 'We can be free, and not be slaves and servants, and no one can be mean to us?' And I was so moved by that I wanted to cry. Now, that is the beauty in the everyday. I treasure those moments.

I look for the small and simple truths not only in my own life but in the lives of those around me - I know when friends' children have fallen and hurt themselves. I know that a friend is running a marathon this morning, I know another has just taken the dog for a walk with her two little ones, another friend is home composing music, while another is working his ass off because a staff member is off sick, and another has just started her get fit regime because she's gained too much weight over the winter. And as I write this, one friend is thinking to herself 'What the hell am I going to do with my life, and why the hell am I doing this job application?', while another is baking chicken for dinner. Yes, all of these intricacies may seem mundane, small, trivial, but it is these details that keep me engaged and connected to those around me.

There are events that occur in the course of our daily lives that will forever change us, even if at the time we do not realise it. Then there are those moments that are just part of us, evolving with us. The everyday offers so much truth and beauty. Just stop. Breathe. Listen. And enjoy.

And now, let me inspire you with the rest of my day's routine: reading the world news on the NYT, the Guardian, the Sydney Morning Herald, and IPS Gender Wire. I may even be tempted to read some real news on E!Online followed by a dose of rice and lentils for lunch. What a beautiful day.

No Water For Shower

Okay, I get it. I'm in Sudan. I've come here to work with refugees and internally displaced people. Yup I've read the memo. It will be tough. Got it. Extremely dangerous. Uhuh. Food, bad. Got it. But I have to draw the line somewhere. I haven't had a shower for five bloody days! Do you know how much of my Chanel perfume I've had to spray on this morning in order to put up with myself? I mean, I'm not that bothered by my lack of hygiene, although my work colleagues may beg to differ.

So, I was walking around aimlessly turning on taps to see if the water pump was running again, telling my female colleagues my 'problems' because 'Oh I haven't washed my hair in 5 days because the shower doesn't work. And I have to use a bucket, and it's just so hard.'

And instead of bringing out the violin, my colleaque smiles empathetically and says quietly, "Yes it's hard, but that's how we Sudanese have to do it".

Yup. Enough said.

Women's Union in the UK too bourgeois?

Have the women’s unions in the UK become a little too bourgeois for their own good? Fighting to stamp out heels? Yes granted no one should be forced to wear them. I get that. But I'm guessing, and it's just an educated guess, that most women are in professions where they aren't even earning enough, where they are working casual and part time jobs, long hours, and most probably not being forced to wear heels. And all their hard work to see it go to childcare. So how about fighting for women to have access to affordable childcare? Maybe even fighting to pass legislation banning the 'smoko breaks' at work because smoking actually KILLS women. Maybe even a law that disallows the use of information gained from discussions and negotiations during the smoko break in an effort to wipe out this hideous social disease. I’m no expert, but I am sure more women die from smoking than the wearing of heels.

Have we as a women's movement run out of other more worthy causes to fight for? Is this shift in discourse from the marginalised working class necessary? You know, the average woman out there, those women in the factories and sweatshops, and those working long hours in part time and casual jobs that they could loose at any time. What ever happened to them? Have we already solved the issues of equal pay for equal work? and decent working conditions for women? Do all women have maternity pay?

And what about all the other women workers in countries where they are toiling 14 hours a day to make a dollar, making clothes and shoes (and heels) that you and I may have purchased. What do we do for them? Can we fight to ban the purchase of their products? Can we fight to recognise the rights of those women? And let's not even talk about women in prisons; the thousands who are trafficked into the UK (and other countries) each year, the migrant and refugee women; and the displaced in war torn countries. What about the survivors of rape and violence?

When did women's unions become synonymous with the 'women who lunch' type of groups? Or are we just reverting back to the white middle class background from which we came?

I mean, give me a break sisters. There are bigger problems facing women - hunger, starvation, unemployment, homelessness, depression, mental illness, exploitation, sexual harassment, domestic violence, sexual assault, unfair work conditions, unaffordable child care...take your pick.

But hey, that's just me. Maybe I'm just biased because of my heel-loving ways.